The curtains are down, the posters all packed, clothes put into a suitcase and the computer dismantled, all ready to be shifted. Yes, after 6 years of living in a different flat, I moved in with my parents a floor above than the flat before. I lived in that flat for 5 years with my Grandad and for the past year with my sister till she got married and then my cousin since june 06.
And today as I sit and write this in my new room, it feels different. There is no Anne Geddes poster above my computer nor is there my cat who sat on my lap everytime I blogged. Things change and im trying to get myself to accept this change.
A week back we decided to give the house on rent and hence I had to move in with my parents, back into my old room which has memories of my sister and I all through our childhood and how ever good it feels to be back here, it hurts much more to leave all the other memories back in that house.
Memories of my grandad and the long afternoons I spent laying on his lap on the diwan. The pet crow who always came to my window at 7 am and cawed as if there was no tomorrow. The warli painting my best friend and I painted on my pelmet in blue and even the old fashioned godrej coupboard which stored my clothes. The kitchen where I spent nights studying on the folding table and all the posters that my sister and I had stuck on the wall to make it more colourful. Most im sure ill miss my planetarium. Yes, I call it my planetarium cause my ceiling was full of stars, comets, moons(yes, moons with an ‘s’, I had 5 moons) and even rockets. My cousin had helped me stick them up and even they will go, once the house is re-painted.
Ill miss the sun shining on my face first thing in the morning and ill miss wandering through that house in the middle of the night, still feeling like my grandad was around. It is painful to leave all those moments that he and I had together in that house. Feels like im letting him go, losing him somewhere. Memories of friends sitting and talking till early morn, making chips in the middle of the night and calling out to my close friend who lives directly opposite that window will be left behind.
Its strange, how in 6 years those 4 walls can become your entire life. I could walk through that house blindfolded and find my way perfectly. Ive lived all my life before these 6 years in this house, but the last 6 years have been very important for me, so maybe those memories seem more painful. And even though I lived down, I could always come up but now I cant go down and walk through the walls as if they are mine. They are going to be someone elses and soon will be life for them too.
It was very difficult to see the walls empty and the rooms so bare and hear my voice echo, but I have to move on. Leave memories behind in a treasure box and form new memories now. This room will now be my cave. Where new memories will form ; where life will take a new turn, yet again.
I think the most hurtful thing is that I have to give up my cat. My dads asthamatic hence I cant get him upstairs. The new tenants don’t want a cat. Asked everywhere, noone wants to adopt. I have time till Sunday and I still don’t know what to do. I don’t know how ill survive without him. Even when I sleep up now, and he wanders through that empty house mrowing, my heart aches. Ive had him 4 years now and im so addicted to him waking me up with his wet cold nose on my warm nose, that even waking up in my new room isnt the same anymore. Can anyone help? I checked with spca, ida and all the other possible options, no solution yet.
Life’s hard sometimes, and it surely isnt easy to give up a pet you’ve loved so much. But, that’s change again and I have to get through it. Just don’t know how. But yes, whatever happens, happens for the good is something ive always believed in. I will get more time to spend with my other grandad and my parents now. I can cook more often, which I love and the kitchen here is much bigger and well equipped than downstairs. I can be around to help my ma and always be there to have the evening tea which my grandad loves having with me.Just have to find a good family for my cat first, maybe then ill feel better.
As I finish this post, theres only one thing that I can think of and its what Bob Dylan said….
““Take care of all your memories. For you cannot relive them.”..
