A New Beginning

Life happens. Shit happens. The only choice you're left with is to move on. After a divorce and losing the love of my life I have now moved continents to start afresh again. Some people ask, did you move to forget him? or did you move in search of a new love? or did you move so you could fulfill unfulfilled ambitions? My answer is, none of the above. I moved so I could live again. When you devote your life to a relationship for 10 years and every waking moment is spent in the thought of the well being of that better half, life becomes a void when you are left alone. I never expected myself to stay alive and get through it. I didn't think I had it in me to stand up, face social drama and start the journey again. For the first time since I got divorced I now sit in a tiny beautiful studio all alone and wonder how I feel. The feeling I have is of sheer pride. I am proud of myself that I chose to move on, take risks and live again whilst constantly wishing luck and happiness to the foregone past. I am proud that I chose the path less travelled and came out fine. Surely the experience has made me smarter, more alert, vary of relationships, how soon I trust people and of course the stability of relationships. All in all I've learnt a few lessons and some deep enough to leave me scarred. When a new love knocks at my door, I will be scared. There is no doubt I will wonder if this is real or if this will last or will it crack like a piece of glass. I will find it hard to be loved again and will mostly doubt the worthiness of the relationship at every step. But to that new unknown love I will say, if you hold my hand I will hold yours. If you show trust in me, I will show ten times more trust in you and if you want to grow old with me, I will want that too. It will be reassuring to know that the journey of life was complete because of a new love. 

Life...

When you stand there,

Looking at the him walk away,

All you can do,

Is stop, think and pray.

You pray for your sanity,

Your strength and determination,

You pray for your existence,

The courage to face this situation

You struggle with choices,

Swirling in your head,

Should I stop now,

Or should I move ahead?

And then it strikes you,

Like a bolt in the dark,

Life always gives you a choice,

Either to stop or to start

I chose to start again,

Chose my happiness ahead,

I chose to pray for myself,

And not wish him back instead