Marbles...

Babs Miller was bagging some early potatoes for me. I noticed a smallboy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas. I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes.Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr.Miller and the ragged boy next to me.

"Hello Barry, how are you today?"

"H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. Sure look good."

"They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?"

"Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time."

"Good. Anything I can help you with?"

"No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas."

"Would you like to take some home?"

"No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with."

"Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?"

"All I got's my prize marble here."

"Is that right? Let me see it."

"Here 'tis. She's a dandy."

"I can see that Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?"

"Not zackley. but almost."

"Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next tripthis way let me look at that red marble."

"Sure will Thanks Mr. Miller."

Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. Witha smile she said, "There are two other boys like him in our community,all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a greenmarble or an orange one, perhaps."

I left the stand smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A shorttime later I moved to Colorado , but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering. Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his viewing that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them.

Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could. Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and whiteshirts...all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket. Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each youngman stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket.

Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes. Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and mentioned the story she had told me about the marbles. With her eyes glistening,she took my hand and led me to the casket. "Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about.They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim "traded" them. Now,at last,when Jim could not change his mind about color or size....they came to pay their debt." "We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world," she confided, "but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest manin Idaho " With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined redmarbles.

Moral: We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments thattake our breath.

Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles..A fresh pot of coffeeyou didn't make yourself. An unexpected phone call from an old friend.Green stoplights on your way to work. The fastest line at the grocerystore. A good sing-along song on the radio. Your keys right where you left them...

Have a nice weekend everyone.

"Richard Cory..."

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
" Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich - yes, richer than a king -
And admirably schooled in every grace;
In fine we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.

- Edwin Arlington Robinson -
" The Children Of The Night "

A new beginning...

I havent blogged in a while now. I don’t know why. Everytime I sat down to write something, it just never materialised into anything that id think was worth sharing on this blog. I contemplated if I should indeed delete the blog, maybe. But again, the thought passed away. I wonder why I wasn’t writing.
Maybe, I had too many things on my mind. Maybe I was fed up of the games my mind was playing with me. Maybe I was just plain bored. Lots of may be’s and no answers whatsoever.
But today I write, to make a beginning again. To start to blog cause I enjoy it. To say whats on my mind and to do what my mind says.
I wonder again, have I lost my creative ability to write after all?
Wonder. Thoughts. Baseless arguments in a mind of their own.
Hence I write. To let the words flow once again, to let me be me again.
Would like to end with a few lines of this poem I once read…

“The More Loving One”
Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

W. H. Auden

Ironic

An old man turned ninety-eight

He won the lottery and died the next day

It's a black fly in your Chardonnay

It's a death row pardon two minutes too late

Isn't it ironic ... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day

It's a free ride when you've already paid

It's the good advice that you just didn't take

Who would've thought ... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly

He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye

He waited his whole damn life to take that flight

And as the plane crashed down he thought 'Well isn't this nice...'

And isn't it ironic ... don't you think

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

When you think everything's okay and everything's going right

And life has a funny way of helping you out when

You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up

In your face

It's a traffic jam when you're already late

It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break

It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife

It's meeting the man of my dreams

And then meeting his beautiful wife

And isn't it ironic... don't you think

Ha Ha Ha!!!

Love this one.

Made my day!!ha ha ha:)

Have a great week everyone.

Keep Smiling:)

I'll miss you Curly...

This day will always be marked in my diary onwards. 18th november 2006, is the day I give up my cat, who ive had for the past four years since 23rd october 2002.

I went to the shelter I had adopted him from 4 years back and the lady there has agreed to have him back. Im really grateful she agreed, cause I truly think that’s where Curly belongs. But yes, last night when I held him close and realised it’s the last night ill spend with him, it kicked me hard. The loss of a pet can be very overwhelming. And extremely hard to get over.
Ive had the best moments with him. I hugged him and cried when I lost my grandad and hugged him and smiled all day when I got my bachelor results. His meow will be missed terribly.Ill miss the paw fights we have and ill miss him come sit over my books every time I sit to study. Ill miss him being possesive about me and making sure that every night before I went to bed, he would come and sit in my lap for a while. We shared the best relationship and the bond we shared is going to last with me for the rest of my life.

Im sad I have to give him up. Ill miss you Curly.

Moving In...

The curtains are down, the posters all packed, clothes put into a suitcase and the computer dismantled, all ready to be shifted. Yes, after 6 years of living in a different flat, I moved in with my parents a floor above than the flat before. I lived in that flat for 5 years with my Grandad and for the past year with my sister till she got married and then my cousin since june 06.
And today as I sit and write this in my new room, it feels different. There is no Anne Geddes poster above my computer nor is there my cat who sat on my lap everytime I blogged. Things change and im trying to get myself to accept this change.
A week back we decided to give the house on rent and hence I had to move in with my parents, back into my old room which has memories of my sister and I all through our childhood and how ever good it feels to be back here, it hurts much more to leave all the other memories back in that house.

Memories of my grandad and the long afternoons I spent laying on his lap on the diwan. The pet crow who always came to my window at 7 am and cawed as if there was no tomorrow. The warli painting my best friend and I painted on my pelmet in blue and even the old fashioned godrej coupboard which stored my clothes. The kitchen where I spent nights studying on the folding table and all the posters that my sister and I had stuck on the wall to make it more colourful. Most im sure ill miss my planetarium. Yes, I call it my planetarium cause my ceiling was full of stars, comets, moons(yes, moons with an ‘s’, I had 5 moons) and even rockets. My cousin had helped me stick them up and even they will go, once the house is re-painted.

Ill miss the sun shining on my face first thing in the morning and ill miss wandering through that house in the middle of the night, still feeling like my grandad was around. It is painful to leave all those moments that he and I had together in that house. Feels like im letting him go, losing him somewhere. Memories of friends sitting and talking till early morn, making chips in the middle of the night and calling out to my close friend who lives directly opposite that window will be left behind.

Its strange, how in 6 years those 4 walls can become your entire life. I could walk through that house blindfolded and find my way perfectly. Ive lived all my life before these 6 years in this house, but the last 6 years have been very important for me, so maybe those memories seem more painful. And even though I lived down, I could always come up but now I cant go down and walk through the walls as if they are mine. They are going to be someone elses and soon will be life for them too.

It was very difficult to see the walls empty and the rooms so bare and hear my voice echo, but I have to move on. Leave memories behind in a treasure box and form new memories now. This room will now be my cave. Where new memories will form ; where life will take a new turn, yet again.

I think the most hurtful thing is that I have to give up my cat. My dads asthamatic hence I cant get him upstairs. The new tenants don’t want a cat. Asked everywhere, noone wants to adopt. I have time till Sunday and I still don’t know what to do. I don’t know how ill survive without him. Even when I sleep up now, and he wanders through that empty house mrowing, my heart aches. Ive had him 4 years now and im so addicted to him waking me up with his wet cold nose on my warm nose, that even waking up in my new room isnt the same anymore. Can anyone help? I checked with spca, ida and all the other possible options, no solution yet.

Life’s hard sometimes, and it surely isnt easy to give up a pet you’ve loved so much. But, that’s change again and I have to get through it. Just don’t know how. But yes, whatever happens, happens for the good is something ive always believed in. I will get more time to spend with my other grandad and my parents now. I can cook more often, which I love and the kitchen here is much bigger and well equipped than downstairs. I can be around to help my ma and always be there to have the evening tea which my grandad loves having with me.Just have to find a good family for my cat first, maybe then ill feel better.
As I finish this post, theres only one thing that I can think of and its what Bob Dylan said….

““Take care of all your memories. For you cannot relive them.”..

He wishes for the Cloths of Heaven...

"He wishes for the Cloths of Heaven"

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread upon my dreams.
- W.B.Yeats

A very close friend of mine gifted me this poem a few days back. Written beautifully on blue recycled paper, its the best gift ive ever recieved so far. Thankyou to you who made me smile...:)

Random Thoughts...

Broken glass pieces,
Shattered window panes,
Petals of red roses,
And an empty lane.

Dreams not fulfilled,
Stars not reached,
The still water,
And thoughts running deep.

Lonely nights,
Lunches with yourself,
Incomplete relationships,
Dusty books on the shelf.

All signs of destiny,
Fate and loss,
Dreams unseen
And the haunting past.

Letting Go...

I cleaned my Granddad’s cupboards today. After exactly 10 months and 20 days I took the courage and cleaned it all up. All the clothes we had shopped together, his shoes we bought at Bata and his formal pants which he always marked with a black cross so they wouldn’t get mixed up with anyone else’s clothes.

It wasn’t easy at all. I cried all the way through that cleaning. When I threw his favourite old leather bag and held his favourite shirt against me, I still smelt him. His smell, so peculiar to my nose that I could recognize it in my dreams as well. His favourite socks, which he so religiously wore. His handkerchiefs that he never forgot to carry cause id always ask for one. It was so difficult to let go off those things; it felt like I was letting him go away from my life.

Then, I realized nothing could separate me from him and his memories. All these materialistic things were just proofs of his existence but his memories and his voice and his touch will always remain with me. They would be inseparable. His handwriting on the piece of paper saying “please call my grand daughter namrata” will always remain with me, making me realize that he’s here, always. By my side.
I miss him so much today. I so wish he was here.
Its never easy to let go of something you've loved so much..is it? I so hate let going..isn't it possible to deal with it in another way?..:(

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever; I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood,
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

The Rains...

It’s Raining!
The rains are here again. I love this season. The greenness of the leaves, the dew on every petal, the koyal singing early in the morning…it’s beautiful. I was lucky to not have had any bad memories with the rains last year. Of course, my mom, sister & dad were all stranded but all returned home safe. My family was fine.
But today, as I sat in my big window and smiled at the smell of the mud and the high it gave me, I wondered how many other people must be sitting at their windows and smiling?
At least a thousand people in Mumbai are going to hate the rains this year. Are going to be mortally afraid of it. They all lost at least one loved one to the rains last year. Do they smell the mud we smell? Do they love the freshness as we do? Do they feel as cool and calm as we do? I wonder. It must remind them of the loss they faced last year.

The death, the trauma and the grief each one of them suffered. Will the rains ever be a happy memory for them ever again?It’s when I think of such people, that my smile fades away and all I can do is just say thank you to whoever it is up there who made sure, id have a happy memory of the rain for this year too...

To Pappa...

This one's going to be a very small post:)Im in Serengeti, in Tanzania and having a fabulous time. I return monday morning:) My results are out and i did very well with a 69.00% which means getting my masters seat at the Mumbai University should not be a problem anymore.

Its like a dream come true. Worked for this all of last year and the results are very good:) Dint expect to do so well, so i think ill be living in a dream till i see my marksheet and believe this is true and happening:)

Just have to say thank you to my grandad and my folks first for all their support then to my sister without whom id have given up the hope of doing well long ago.Thanks nandu. Rohini,Amit and Akshay who have been strong pillars of support all of last yr when i lost my grandad and all my zest too. They stood by me and im completely thankful to them for being such great friends:)A huge thankyou to pooja, neha, deepti, sushant, vijayalakshmi, sonali and maitreyee without whom i would never have gotten through through all the report writing, journal writing and cribbing also:)Thanks guys. For being there.It made a huge huge difference:)

To all my classmates, who made this year a memorable one too:)To my psychology subjects who came religiously for every experiment of mine and never once dissappointed me:) And to both my teachers at college who coaxed me and provided me all the TLC i needed to get this far:)Thanku Ma'am:)Without you both, this degree would not be as special:)

And last but not the least, to Pappa to whom i dedicate this post. Pappa, my grandad who was the happiest person last yr on april 16th 2005 when he came to know his grand daughter had got that seat in the psychology batch of 2005-06. Wish he was here to see her pass with a flying 69% too. He'd be so proud. Thanks pappa for being there with me always..
Miss you lots.

Leaving on a jet plane...

Yup, im leaving on a jet plane tomorrow night:) So, this would be my last post till the 20th of June. Im going on a vacation and i cant wait to sit in an aeroplane again!!!! This is my first trip abroad with my family and we are going on safari to Kenya & Tanzania and im completely looking forward to it:)
It's also the first time i wont be here to collect my final year results of my bachelors in psychology and hence im a little worried about that. But well, crossed fingers and the excitement of sitting in an aeroplane are keeping me calm:)Just hope all goes well.
Im going to miss my friends the most cause my life completely revolves around them but am also very excited at the fact of going on safari with my ma,da and grandad:)So, till i get back here's wishing you all a great june month ahead, all the best dealing with the monsoon and keep smiling:)

"There's a sad sort of clanging from the clock in the hall
And the bells in the steeple too.
And up in the nursery an ubsurd little bird
Is popping out to say cook-coo cook-coo, cook-coo
Regretfully they tell us cook-coo
But firmly they compell us cook-coo
To say goodbye cook-coo...
To you
So long farewell, auf weidersehen adieu
Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you
I'm glad..to go..I cannot tell a lie
I fleet, I float, I fleetly flee I fly...":)

Aeroplane, here i come:):)

I did it:)

I detested driving till thursday, loved it on friday and hated it again on saturday. I cried saturday evening cause i dint want to drive in Mumbai. The heat, the stress, the honks and the idiots who curse a woman driver were getting on my nerves already after one week of driving on the mumbai streets.

I got my license in 2002 august. Since i got my license, i never drove. Till this summer, where i decided its high time i got over my fear.So got a driver and have been driving all over Mumbai since last sunday. The best drive so far was friday morning when i drove to marine drive. I love that place. Driving there is heaven. But saturday's drive, thats yesterday's wasnt so good again and it killed my morale.

So after crying for a long time yesterday about not wanting to drive and wondering if id ever overcome this irrational fear i sat and spoke to my folks. I told dad i couldnt drive and i was mortally afraid of killing someone or banging into another car. And then he and mom said something to me which changed my whole perspective. They both said, that driving is a skill that would always be useful in future. If i decide to settle down in Mumbai or abroad, driving would get me places and a skill learnt never goes waste. Dad said, that if im lucky enough to have a car for myself and am at an age where i can master the skill, why shouldnt i make most of this chance?

I realised then, that i had to come over my fear. Had to over come it and drive my mom to work today morning. So this sunday morning, i took my driver for a drive from 6.30 to 8.30 am to mulund and chembur and drove in heavy traffic without killing a soul or bumping the car anywhere. Came home, picked up mom and dropped her to college too. Am taking my cousin for her bday lunch too this afternoon to shivaji park and im sure its going to be a good drive.

Dad's thrilled today morning and mom was so proud of telling her colleagues that her daughter drove her to work today:) Made my day to see her smile. Im so glad i have parents like these, who encourage their kid to such an extent that you suddenly feel like you have all the confidence in the world. I enjoyed driving today.

For the first time in a week, i loved the drive. The breeze on my face and bryan adams on radio just made me forget any fear i had whatsoever. I think im going to get more pampered now, considering ill just take my car and drive rather than take the public transport:) But i doubt that might happen, cause i love the mumbai buses and trains so i guess ill have to just have a healthy balance between the two:)

It feels good to have overcome one more hurdle in my life, which i never thought i would overcome. I achieved it and yes i still hate the traffic and the honks but my curses of "bum" and "pig" surprise the male drivers to such an extent that they automatically slow down!!he he:)
So as long as the bums and pigs work, driving is good:)

These are a few of my favourite things...

A close friend of mine, having tried this on his blog suggested I list 10 of my favourite things too on my blog. So these are a few of my favourite things..:) Thanks to him, I smiled all day through..:)

# I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate cookies. Anything freshly baked for that matter. The smell of European bakeries at 6 am in the morning will always be cherished.

# I love the smell of the first rain on the mud. Petrichor..its heaven. Love getting wet in the rain, splashing water, lying on my bed and watching every rain drop fall from the sky and sitting home on a rainy day and sipping coffee is awesome too. Love water basically. Swimming is just too much fun.

# Love the movie Notting Hill. No clue why I love it so much, but ive probably seen it over 20 times and still can every time it’s on TV. Love the painting by Chagall too in the movie..“It feels like how being in love should be. Floating through a dark blue sky. With a goat playing the violin. Happiness isn't happiness without a violin-playing goat.”

# Love going shopping with my sister. She's so patient and has an awesome choice. We can shop for hours without getting tired:)

# Love Blue Berry Cheese Cake. I’d die if Oven Fresh or Lemon Grass ever stopped serving it!!!

# Love the nature. Go for a walk every evening to this one small temple near where I stay and its bliss. The noise and pollution do get on my nerves sometimes, but the walks worth it. Normally have a friend accompanying me, and we always sit in the temple for 20 min in complete silence and then leave. We are not religious, just the silence in the temple keeps you so calm, its unbelievable.

# I love my cat. Yes, his name’s curly and he’s adorable. He’ll listen to any nonsense I talk and come every morning and wake me up by touching his small wet nose to mine. The morning just seems so wonderful when I see him crawled up upon me, with a look in his eyes saying..pls wake up?:)

# Love reading poetry and literature. Byron, Tara Patel, Eunice D’souza, Mamta Kalia, W.H.Auden & Jane Austen are some of my favourites.

# Love sitting at Toto’s or Mondy’s on any evening and having a drink. Its crazy, the energy that surrounds you, the wild music.. it’s a break from your normal mundane life.Although Toto’s doesn’t play music anymore:(

# Love going for a drive as long as I don’t have to drive:) most memorable drive has been when a friend took me all the way to Bachelors in town on new years to eat my favourite fresh strawberry with cream at 1.30am:)!!Ya, I love that too:) he he.

Ive realized, 3 of the 10 of my most favourite things are sweets!!!Hehe I do have a bad sweet tooth:) but I really love them!!!10 was too little, I love so many more things..but these are most loved I think..have a great weekend everyone..:)

For my sister...

My friends call me a princess and insist that I am a very pampered child. Well, I agree. Can’t really complain if I am loved so much, can I? Well, one person who has been my support system throughout my life & has pampered me to no end is my sister. People who know my sister & me, will know how close we are and what a bonding we share. My sister is 4.5 yrs elder to me. Has been an achiever all her life and made us all proud when she won the gold medal in literature at the Mumbai University some year’s back. She loves theatre and reading is her passion. She can’t live without books & enjoys rock music too. She is a very ‘cool’ sister:). Till a few years back, we were not as close as we are today. Only when I went on a scholarship to Germany in 2001-02 did I realize, how much I missed her. Guess, distance made the heart grow fonder..:)

We became closer that year and before I knew she had gotten a scholarship from the Mumbai University to come to Germany for 3 months that same year. Yay! I was thrilled. She came & lived with both my host families & I lived with her in her apartment in north Germany as well. We even did a trip to Belgium together and it was fantastic. I think that was the moment when we both became very close and I missed her terribly when she returned back to India in Dec 2001. I came back in June 2002 and after that she’s been there every single time I needed her.

She knows me as well as I know myself. She buys me gifts every week on an average & never loses the opportunity to tell me how nice I am looking on a particular evening. She has spent nights sitting next to me, taking care of me when I’ve been sick(which has been very often!!) and she’s even cooked for me when mom & dad have been out of town. When we were kids, she has taken my share of beatings from mom and has been the most protective sister ever.

The past four year’s have been the best of my life. We live together in a flat of our own with our pet cat Curly.We have long chats that go into the early mornings and laze around all day in bed on Sundays too. We’ve watched tonnes of movies together at the theatre, which is at the corner of my street, and we can both shop for hours together without getting bored. We party like there is no tomorrow and have taken care of each other when we have been drunk as well. And I’m going to have to let her go now.

She gets married this August 26th and shifts to Dubai with my jiju. And im going to miss her like crazy. She is currently holidaying in USA and I’ve been living alone for a month now & it’s driven me crazy already. I miss making her bed for her and curse myself for all the times I shouted at her cause she never made her bed. I miss her shouting at me and then hugging me and saying sorry. I miss fighting with her, beating her and then sitting & laughing till our tummies hurt. I miss cooking her favourite potato chips for her and making pizza that she loves too. I miss talking to her a lot and I can’t believe I’ve got to get used to this life style very soon. Im going to have to let her go and be happy myself and for her as well. And the more i think of it, the more difficult it gets. Sometimes, its impossible to sleep in the night cause I so miss her warm hugs. Sometimes I long to hear her voice or see her. She returns back on 26th June from the USA but only to leave in 2 months again. And that time, it will be forever.

Im a very sentimental and emotional person by nature and letting go of things, memories and people is something I cant do very well. And letting my sister go, is going to be the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I love her lots and living without her is going to be hell. But I think I’ll manage.

I just wish her all the happiness in her life and wish all her dreams come true. It’s been a pleasure having an elder sibling like her and i want to say a big thankyou to her for being there for me always..im so going to miss her...

For old times sake...

'Request'

Sometimes for old times sake
you should look me up.
Have lunch with me,I'll pay the bill.
How little I know you though I loved
you for so long,
and still do for old times sake.

You cannot forget so completely.
Remember me a little and meet me sometimes.
Once in a while,for good luck,
do not negate the past.
Indulge me.

Not because I want to embarrass you.
It is not your lack of love which distresses
me any more.
I'm no longer obsessed with a blind emotion
which promises everything and nothing.
You have to be young forever to be in love
like that.

I will not bore you with details of how I lived
for months after your exit.
But because I'm pining for an old pleasure,
have lunch with me one of these days.
I miss you most when I'm eating alone.

A man should look up a woman sometimes
for old times sake.
For reasons other than those which are obsolete.
Have lunch with me,
I'll pay the bill.

-Tara Patel

Have you..?

Have you:

Ever been lucky enough to rise before the sun rose and see it rise beautifully?

Ever smelt the mud after the first rain falls?

Ever sat on a roadside footpath and seen the world pass by?

Ever drank hot tea on a rainy evening at a roadside vendor?

Ever danced in the first rain?

Ever touched the soft hands of a newly born baby?

Ever ran through the wind like there was no tomorrow?

Ever told your parents you love them so much?

Ever held your grandfather’s hand to help him walk?

Ever been in love so much that just the thought of being in love made you smile?

Think….

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

My Grandad...

My grandad wanted to see Swades. My mamu who lives in Boston for the past 12 years had told him that he should see it and that its truly worth a watch. On 5th August when the channel 'Star Gold' announced its premier show of Swades scheduled for 15th August at 1.45pm , my grandad was thrilled. He told me that we must watch it together. He had heard so much about it, he just was too eager to see it.He and i used to live alone in our very cosy one bhk flat. So well, we decided that 15th august, the afternoon would be spent watching the movie together and eating our favourite pizza for lunch. He loved it when i made pizzas, so promised him a treat that afternoon.

On 10th August he complained of being unwell, and by the evening had high fever running. The doctor was called immediately and he was put on anti-biotics.The next day, the 11th of August was my sisters engagement. He dint attend the ceremony due to ill health but blessed his eldest grandaughter and her to be husband and wished them good luck. He was so happy to see her get engaged...

His fever continued for 2 more days. My masi from poona, was also here for the engagement and decided to stay back to look after her father for a while. We used to take chances of sitting awake in the night, cause he used to get pretty uncomfortable due to the fever. On 13th night, he complained of chest pain. We called the ambulance immediately and whilst in the ambulance, he held my hand and said "Just take me soon. There's something wrong". We rushed him to the nearest hospital and admitted him into the ICU. It was 2 am by now. In a matter of 10minutes, the doctors told us he was critical. We decided against putting him on a ventilator and then the hope started. Hope that he will get out of this soon.

My grandfather was a philosopher. He had devoted his life to indian philosophy and its studies and was extremely passionate about it. He wrote a lot of books, was well known and had strength no 82 yr old man at his age would ever have. Till the time, we rushed him to the hospital, he drank water with his own hands out of the glass kept next to him.

I spent a lot of time with him on his hospital bed writing in capital letters on a piece of paper, how he should not lose courage and that he will be fine soon and that my mamu was on his way to see him. He asked for me on 14th afternoon. I was at home eating lunch when my mom called me and said, he had asked for a paper and pen and written saying "please call my grandaughter namrata"..so i had rushed to the hospital where he wrote further on that paper after seeing me asking me what was wrong with him.I told him, all was going to be fine and he should just rest and not worry.

My mamu left from Boston immediately to be able to be with his father and all relatives were informed about my grandad's critical condition. On the night of the 14th i decided to stay over at the hospital. Id lived with him for 6 yrs and knew him inside out and he knew me inside out too. We shared the best grandfather-grandaughter relationship. Whilst i lay on those thermal sheets in the ICU ward, i prayed and hoped he'd get well and come out of this.

The next morning was Independence Day.I awoke in the hospital listening to the national anthem in a nearby school. My sister came at 7am and we sat together till 11.45 together. Then my folks arrived and suggested we go catch a bite somewhere and come back. So my sister and i left. We were eating ice cream when dad called. He said grandad was critical and we should come back as soon as possible. We left the ice cream bars melting on our plates, payed the bill and rushed to the hospital with my masi and cousin who had arrived from poona that morning.

We reached at 12.30pm. The doctors had said they had done everything they could and he was sinking now. At 2.15 he gave up. Those pieces of paper with my name in his handwriting are the most precious things ive ever had. As i came down the hospital stairs, in the corridor of the hospital i heard the first song from Swades...the movie had started and my grandad was no more to see it...I so wish he had.

The walls of the house seem so strange without him, his bed still has memories of him sitting on it writing his book, the kitchen still smells of the wonderful tea he made for me everyday and the house just isnt the same without him anymore.

I sleep every night, thanking god for having let me spend 6 wonderful years with him. Without him life isnt the same. I miss him every second i walk into the empty house, miss him every morning when i wake up and can still feel his presence in this house where now the walls have only me to talk to...

Good Morning!

Yes, its been a nice sunday morning so far:) I woke up at 5.30 am, cause mum was leaving to go out of town and dad with his sunday friend for breakfast. I got up too only to find myself unable to go back to sleep. So, i contemplated if i should go for an early morning walk or a nice cold swim.People who know me will know, im a complete adventure outdoor person. Love water, nature, hiking, walking anything to do with the outdoors. Whilst i was in school, the only outdoor spot we had was badminton and running. I took up the latter, and made my ' yellow house ' proud:) I loved running. Still do, just cant carry on with it anymore. In a freak accident in school in my tenth grade, i got an open 240 volt shock, which damaged my left knee..after going through physiotherapy i was told i shouldnt run and nor should i continue with learning classical dance which i was doing then for 9 yrs. Quit both. Was terrible, moreso cause i enoyed dancing and running was life. The only medals ive ever won in life, are in relay and runnning competitions in school. They are just really special to me..

Well, after giving up both my physio suggested i swim. Its very good for the knees. So, when i went for my exchange year to Germany in 2002-3 i swam. I swam every day for 45 min cause i took up swimming as my sport activity in school. Swam on winter mornings in hot pools and it felt awesome. Again, another freak accident repeated itself. While dancing in one of our parties my left knee cap moved and i had a dislocated patella. Was rushed at 2 am to a government hospital in Luxemburg. Continued with physiotherapy there too. The doc there told me i could start swimming again in about 6 mnths. Came back to India and started swimming again. Went through physio again, and finally have managed to stay fit with very rare bouts of pain in the knee for 3 yrs now.

I miss running. Miss pushing myself that extra bit, to complete that goal id set for myself. But ive learnt..if i cant run, i can swim so id better enjoy that and i completely do. I even learnt ballroom dancing for a year as that was not such a big strain on my knee as much as classical dancing is.
So, coming back to my morning swim today..yes it was great. Managed a good 12 laps in 25 min flat. Had a nice hot coffee and returned back home. After doing 10 laps i could feel myself tire, but just had to do the remaning two..pushed myself that extra bit and it felt so good:) Sometimes pushing yourself that one bit more..makes a big difference..dsnt it?:)Reminded me of running one extra round of that huge field only because you just know you can do it and to prove it to yourself, you do it, even if it tires you out something tells you, you're going to be able to achieve it.

Im looking foward to a nice lazy sunday..my cats getting neutered(yes, not very good news for all my male frends:P) but its important news nevertheless. And the poor cat has been hungry since 6 am today cause hes going to be sedated later. Just hope all goes right...i love my cat ya..:)Like my parents say..they are convinced im married to my cat..so my new pet name at home is Mrs.Curly:)Well, he's a truly handsome cat..:)he he.