Life...

When you stand there,

Looking at the him walk away,

All you can do,

Is stop, think and pray.

You pray for your sanity,

Your strength and determination,

You pray for your existence,

The courage to face this situation

You struggle with choices,

Swirling in your head,

Should I stop now,

Or should I move ahead?

And then it strikes you,

Like a bolt in the dark,

Life always gives you a choice,

Either to stop or to start

I chose to start again,

Chose my happiness ahead,

I chose to pray for myself,

And not wish him back instead

Moving on...

As I walk on the road less traveled someone asked me to read this, it was insightful.

“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn't have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I've ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take a while. You've just gotta fight your way through.”

― Ira Glass

To care or care a damn?

This one isn't so much about my emotions as much as it is about the way society is so cohesive in thought that it takes you by surprise.To adopt means: to take and rear (the child of other parents) as one's own child, specifically by a formal legal act.

From this definition adoption does seem to be a good act. An act of responsibility, of faith, of trust and yes of love.  It seems now that the dictionary isn't always right. It doesn't include the cultural nuances and meanings of words. It doesn't take into consideration what effect one word can have on one group of people than the other. I realize that.

After all the conversations over coffee and tea and lunch and dinner I have now come to understand that people are doubtful. They love doubting. It’s such a burning desire that lest it’s fulfilled one cannot live. Hence people doubt. 

Your husband gave you a diamond necklace just like that. Doubt.  Your boss gave you a raise in the middle of the year( because you worked your butt off on a project and impressed him). Doubt. You pass by your daily clothes store and suddenly from nowhere the store says 90% off. Doubt. You wear your best saree to work one morning. People doubt.

You decide to adopt a baby. Doubt.

I am still waiting for one friend or foe to come up to me, give me a hug and say “Yeah! You are adopting! I am so happy for you".

Too much to ask for?

So tell me, do I care or do I care a damn?

Hope...

 

Hope is the thing with feathers 

That perches in the soul, 

And sings the tune--without the words, 

And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard; 

And sore must be the storm 

That could abash the little bird 

That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land, 

And on the strangest sea; 

Yet, never, in extremity, 

It asked a crumb of me.

- Emily Dickinson

For him, who completes me...

I Want

I want to sit beside you in a rowdy dingy pub
Legs dangling, shoulders jostling, knees touching
I want your breath to drain the sweat off my brow
And for you to lick the bitterness off my lips
I want your eyes to seek mine
I want to hear the hushed lust in your voice amidst the noise.

I want to sit beside you in a dark balcony
Where yesterday’s washing doesn’t flap its crackling wings
I want us to hear the night call
Watch shadows play ball and time creep up a celestial wall
I want your fingers to unerringly seek mine
I want to exist as more than a mere habit.

Anita Nair from Malabar Mind

Another day...

There are days of sunshine,

And bright rays of hope,

There are moments of contentment

And reasons to cope

Days are uneven,

Long and lost,

Some so happy,

The others so soft

 Softer the memories,

Deeper they go,

Into your skin and beneath,

In your heart they grow.

I wonder at life

And the way it flows,

Each bridge a new one,

Each corner an old foe.

Daffodils

I wandered lonely as a cloud That floats on high o'er vales and hills, When all at once I saw a crowd, A host, of golden daffodils; Beside the lake, beneath the trees, Fluttering and dancing in the breeze. Continuous as the stars that shine And twinkle on the milky way, They stretched in never-ending line Along the margin of a bay: Ten thousand saw I at a glance, Tossing their heads in sprightly dance. The waves beside them danced; but they Out-did the sparkling waves in glee: A poet could not but be gay, In such a jocund company: I gazed--and gazed--but little thought What wealth the show to me had brought: For oft, when on my couch I lie In vacant or in pensive mood, They flash upon that inward eye Which is the bliss of solitude; And then my heart with pleasure fills, And dances with the daffodils - William Wordsworth.

On my mind...

The horses wait to be ridden,

The candy floss spurns pink,

The ferrous wheels are empty,

And families seem thrilled.

A pregnant women walks,

Her hand on her belly,

Wondering what the future holds,

For her and her family.

A father guides his daughter,

On climbing up the slide,

One step at a time he prompts her,

Her goal clear in his mind.

A little boy runs around,

And plays in the sand,

It keeps slipping from his fingers,

Nothing remains in his hand.

A tiny little baby,

Sits cozy in her tram,

Her mother sits beside it,

While a song sings her dad.

These are pictures of my memory,

A memory I crave to have,

It’s distant and hazy today,

It’s threatened and that’s sad.

I’m trying my best to look up,

And admire the sun which shines,

Adore the stars that shine brightly,

And not sit down and whine.

I always believe in one thing,

And that’s my destiny,

If my memory is strong enough,

One day it will be reality.

Something to think about...

The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!
- Rocky Balboa (2006) 

 To MJ...

This life don't last forever 
We're Better off being together
Than being miserable alone
Cause I've been there before
And you've been there before
But together we can be alright.
Cause when it gets dark and when it gets cold
We hold each other till we see the sunlight

Hold my hand
Baby I promise that I'll do
All I can
Things will get better if you just hold my hand
Nothing can come between us if you just hold,
hold my, hold, hold my, hold, hold my hand.

The nights are getting darker
And there's no peace inside 

So why make our lives harder
By fighting love, tonight.

Cause I've been there before
And you've been there before
But together we can be alright
Cause when it gets dark and when it gets cold

We hold each other till we see the sunlight

So if you just hold my hand
Baby I promise that I'll do
All I can
Things will get better if you just hold my hand (yeahh)
Nothing can come between us if you just hold,
hold my, hold, hold my, hooold, hold my hand.

Hold my hand

I can tell you're tired of being lonely
Take my hand don't let go baby hold me 

Come to me and let me be your one and only
So I can make it alright til' the morning

I can tell you're tired of being lonely
Take my hand don't let go baby hold me
Come to me and let me be your one and only 

So I can make it alright til' the morning

Hold my hand

Hold my hand
Baby I promise (hold my hand) that I'll do
All I can (hold my hand)
Things will get better if you just hold my hand
Nothing can come between us if you just hold,
hold my, hold, hold my, hooold, hold my hand.


Hold my hand
Baby I promise that I'll do
All I can
Things will get better if you just hold my hand
Nothing can come between us if you just hold,
hold my, hold, hold my, hooold, hold my hand.

Hold my hand

Fire and Ice...

Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice. 

- Robert Frost

Some thoughts...

Tiny bits of paper,

Strewn over the floor,

Letters I wrote once,

To a love now forlorn

It’s comfortable to use words

Than have to make actions,

Easier to use ink,

So you can make corrections

Love can be tricky

And complicated and messy,

Using actions can cause,

A pretty huge flurry

Hence words might be better,

To sort it out,

To give it better direction,

And not need to scream and shout

If you have love,

Id say protect it,

Let there never be a day,

Where u may need to say or do it.

Bad Day...

Have been terribly stressed out and hence this song...cause im addicted to listening to it every morning and it keeps me going....

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Memories...

Memories are addictive,

They stick like a leech,

U move away every time,

And each time you weep.

Some are so strong,

You wake up at nights,

Remembering conversations,

Searching reasons for those fights.

Some memories go unnoticed,

Like silent whispers in the dark,

You only think of them ,

When it matters and they mark

Some are like old wine,

Grow deeper and richer ,

Everytime you take a sip,

Its like starting to drink a pitcher.

Some are ironic,

Some wierd and old,

But each one tells a story,

One we treasure like gold.

So, at the end of it,

Memories will always stay,

Even if you don’t voice them,

They shine, like the sun in may.

But yes, you do wish,

Some memories you could forget,

Cause those hurt the most,

Ones you love, but partially regret.

For Him...

I love you...

And this one's for making all my dreams come true.

Thank You...

Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus

Come away where they can't tempt us

With their lies I want to walk with you

On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high
So won't you try to come

Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountaintop
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me.....

" Life’s a weather ”

Autumn leaves all over the road,
Scattered and strewn unevenly,
Talking of the past, the forgotten,
The lies and truths we hate to believe.
Each leaf has its own story,
Each leaf a different shade,
Stories that are meant to be nice memories,
But like nightmares, always remain.

When the wind blows, these leaves fly,
Each bringing back a memory,
And that’s how life swirls itself,
Between nightmares and memories.
Suddenly its spring again,
And hope arises from somewhere,
The swirls clear out in no time,
And sunshine’s back again.

Life begins to feel warm now,
With emotions and feelings felt again,
You begin to re-live and breathe,
With a new goal, a new way.
I often wonder if im like the weather,
Going thru springs and autumns,
Each spring im a new person,
And each autumn an old one is forlorn.

I realize now, im like the autumn leaves,
Getting blown away as a memory or nightmare,
But hope does keep me going,
That someday I might be the spring leaf again.
Someday, someone would wish to keep me,
And see my colours and adore them,
See the various shades that follow,
Every time the sun falls with a different ray.

And that’s how life moves on,
With strength and hope,
Strength to be accepted that you were an autumn leaf once,
And hope that you might be a spring one soon again.

This song's one of my favourite's...sad and depressing...but well its still the best...
"How to save a life" ( The Fray )
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it’s just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you’ve told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you’ve followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he’ll say he’s just not the same
And you’ll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

I have a dream, a song to sing

To help me cope with anything

If you see the wonder of a fairy tale

You can take the future even if you fail

I believe in angels

Something good in everything I see

I believe in angels

When I know the time is right for me

I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a fantasy

To help me through reality

And my destination makes it worth the while

Pushing through the darkness still another mile

I believe in angels

Something good in everything I see

I believe in angels

When I know the time is right for me

I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

...This is my song for the New Year 2009...

Here's wishing you all a healthy, peaceful and prosperous New Year.

When i have fears...

When I have fears that I may cease to be,

Before my pen has glean'd my teeming brain,

Before high-piled books, in charactery,

Hold like rich garners the full ripen'd grain;

When I behold, upon the night's starr'd face,

Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,

And think that I may never live to trace

Their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;

And when I feel, fair creature of an hour,

That I shall never look upon thee more,

Never have relish in the faery power

Of unreflecting love;--then on the shore

Of the wide world I stand alone, and think

Till love and fame to nothingness do sink.

- John Keats

Across

Across these miles i wish you well,

May nothing haunt your heart but sleep,

May you not sense what i don't tell,

May you not dream, or doubt, or weep.

May what my pen this peaceless day,

Writes on this page not reach your view,

Till its deferred print lets you say,

It speaks to someone else than you.